I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
