I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
