Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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