my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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