i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
