My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
