i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
