Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
