I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
