I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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