Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.