I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best