I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them