Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
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once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.