Just cropdusted the office
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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