oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.