Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As shirtless as possible
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
