he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.