what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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