so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
