You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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