I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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