Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
