just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
