i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
