i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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