I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
