think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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