I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
