she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
