after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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