how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize