you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
