I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
