the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize