I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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