I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
