I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
