I think im going to throw up on grandma
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
