Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
