I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
