i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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