I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
