Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
