Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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