I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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