I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
