note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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