No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
