i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
