im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
