I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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