Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
