Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize