we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
