A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have already put on my inside pants.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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