Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
