I'm going to jail i love you
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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