I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
