I need help removing her.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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