The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
