I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
