I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
