mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
