Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.