can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
