So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk