For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
A+ Viking dick
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
