please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
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I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...