its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night