the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids