Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When are your genitals available?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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