I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
