Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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