I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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