shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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