New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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