So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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