im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
