BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
