How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
